Creature Feature – Loch Ness Monster
Nessie, The legend of Loch Ness is one of those sea creatures that continues to live on despite all common sense and logic. What is it that people are seeing? When did this “legend” begin and why does it continue? This is the picture that started it all…
The Loch Ness monster first achieved notoriety in 1933 after a story was published in “The Inverness Courier,” a local newspaper, describing not a monstrous head or hump but instead a splashing in the water that was described as appearing to be caused “by two ducks fighting.”
Some suggested a more monstrous explanation; however it wasn’t until the following year that Nessie went viral with the publication of a famous photograph showing a serpentine head and neck. That image above, taken by a London surgeon named Kenneth Wilson, was touted for decades as the best evidence for Nessie — until it was admitted as a hoax decades later!
I guess most people didn’t see that part, thus we continue to get in reports of Nessie sightings. That this same thing happened with the Big Foot legend, where it was admitted by the person who started it all as a hoax. He said he walked around with cement feet and to this very day there are people around the world who still don’t realize the original story was bogus.
Scotland is known for drinking, there just might be a few drunk people telling these stories. (We just leave out the pink elephant stories because those are stupid)
I thought that is why we have the internet? Then again, the internet is a place where you can spread facts or spread bullshit. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster is Bullshit.
Top 5 Reasons why Loch Ness Monster is Bullshit
- Nessie would have to reproduce and there would have to be a school of them
- One example of this serpent would have been caught by an enterprising fisherman by now
- There would be detailed YouTube videos and highly detailed photos of such a creature by now (we do have good cameras)
- The government would have one in a tank at area 51 (a bit of levity is allowed for a list like this)
- In 2003, a team of researchers sponsored by the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) undertook the largest and most comprehensive search of Loch Ness ever conducted. They scoured the lake using 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation. One of the lead searchers, Ian Florence, was quoted in a BBC news release: “We went from shoreline to shoreline, top to bottom on this one, we have covered everything in this loch, and we saw no signs of any large animal living in the loch.”
It isn’t Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster that people are seeing it’s…
Oh No! It’s GODZILLA!
…lurking for millions of years, encased in a block of ice, evil incarnate, waiting to be melted down and to rise again.
We don’t have Japan to help us battle the monster with the toy tanks, high tech blue lazer cannons and wobby aircraft.
Who do we get to battle the monster in the Scottish Highlands?
There is only one man for the job and that man is….
Rowdy Roddy Piper!
“I have come here to chew gum and kick ass,
and I’m all out of bubblegum.”