Creature Feature – Jersey Devil

A missing Pterodactyl, a horse faced bat or just another camp fire story that grown ups continue to believe? The Jersey Devil is next up on Creature Feature..

The Jersey Devil is a legendary creature or cryptid said to inhabit the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey, United States. The creature is often described as a flying biped with hooves, but there are many different variations. The most common description is that of a kangaroo-like creature with the head of a goat, leathery bat-like wings, horns, small arms with clawed hands, cloven hooves and a forked tail. It has been reported to move quickly and often is described as emitting a blood-curdling scream.

Let’s have a police lineup of scream queens to try and identify exactly how the Jersey Devil Scream sounds like shall we?

How many jokes can we make with that performance? (I pick the second from the top as the winner) Some sound like they are enjoying a nice O…

Here is a picture of the Jersey Devil in the wild attempting to reproduce

Alright, I know you came here to see actual videos and pictures of the Jersey Devil but the problem is THERE ISN’T ANY! However, we do have this lovely drawing …

Cryptozoology is a pseudoscience involving the search for animals whose existence has not been proven. This includes looking for living examples of animals that are considered extinct, such as dinosaurs; animals whose existence lacks physical evidence but which appear in myths, legends, or are reported, such as Bigfoot and Chupacabra.

Otherwise known as crackpots, nut jobs and snake oil salesmen that use these fantasy creatures to make money from the masses of idiots who believe in them. Kinda like the Long Island Medium?

long-island-medium

ahh, you didn’t see that one coming did you?

The look on her face is when she actually seen the Jersey Devil in the wild and what it was doing…

It’s not real people! But to entertain the brain dead here is the real story of the Jersey Devil, it was just a woman with the last name of Leeds, who had her 13th baby and said “Let it be the Devil” as she was sick of the pain of childbirth. What did she give birth to? See the video for more explanation….

Creature Feature – Bigfoot

There are television shows dedicated to finding him, people around the world that identify him by various names: Big Foot, Sasquatch, Yeti and Yowie, and there are many websites that are dedicated to proving he is real. Have you all lost your mind? This is the Patterson-Gimlin film that started the media explosion:

This is the only verified photo of Big Foot that is real:

bigfoot truck

With all the DNA technology we have at our disposal today, it would be a cinch to identify this creature if it had existed. No bones? Logic people! If Big Foot existed, there would be trace evidence as every other creature on the planet has. Oh sure, we discover new bugs every year and fish that has yet to be discovered, but a giant ape wandering around in forests that have routine aerial photographs and explorers?

Maybe the Six Million Dollar man had it right? Big Foot was a bionic monster created by aliens:

Could it have been Chuck Norris in his early years of Kung Fu film making shooting a scene for a movie?

I can hear the Big Foot believers now: “The one in the original picture was a female not a male, stupid!” Yes, they would call me stupid…

Ahh, in that case, she must be from France or maybe an Italian girl from the Bronx?

I tried to force myself to watch the TV shows on Big Foot hunters and just couldn’t get to the end without switching it over to the Big Bang Theory. All I have seen in those shows were people zipping through the woods in their ATV’s and saying how believable witnesses are and what experts they all are. “The monster came up to my house and scared my dog, then stole the pie we had on the window sill.” The pie was actually missing and we did see these tracks that ended in the woods. Must be true!

hairpie-sank you

Want to hear some Big Foot Sounds? Here is the place! Aweooooooooooooooo! *cough cough*

There hasn’t been any physical evidence ever found. No feces that Forrest Rangers would have certainly found by now.

Look! There is Big Foot now, a green one from the sea and a brown one from the mountains!

Oh wait, those are just Gargantuas from Japan at war with each other.

No hair samples? My dog sheds all the time and if I don’t keep my floors swept and swiffered, it would appear as though I had a Planet of the Apes rug on my floor. Big Foot never sheds (evidently not even in the hottest summer where a fart can make Smokey the Bear sweat for fear of a fire).

bigfoot hide and seek

Now if anyone has photos, they would like to share of Big Foot that they have taken, please email me and I will post them here for all to enjoy.

Creature Feature – Loch Ness Monster

The Loch Ness monster first achieved notoriety in 1933 after a story was published in “The Inverness Courier,” a local newspaper, describing not a monstrous head or hump but instead a splashing in the water that was described as appearing to be caused “by two ducks fighting.”

Some suggested a more monstrous explanation; however, it wasn’t until the following year that Nessie went viral with the publication of a famous photograph showing a serpentine head and neck. That image above, taken by a London surgeon named Kenneth Wilson, was touted for decades as the best evidence for Nessie — until it was admitted as a hoax decades later!

hoax

I guess most people didn’t see that part, thus we continue to get in reports of Nessie sightings. That this same thing happened with the Big Foot legend, where it was admitted by the person who started it all as a hoax. He said he walked around with cement feet and to this very day there are people around the world who still don’t realize the original story was bogus.

Scotland is known for drinking, there just might be a few drunk people telling these stories. (We just leave out the pink elephant stories because those are stupid)

drunks

I thought that is why we have the internet? Then again, the internet is a place where you can spread facts or spread bullshit. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster is Bullshit.

It isn’t Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster that people are seeing it’s…

Oh No! It’s GODZILLA!

…lurking for millions of years, encased in a block of ice, evil incarnate, waiting to be melted down and to rise again.

godzilla-in-water

Nessie, the legend of Loch Ness is one of those sea creatures that continues to live on despite all common sense and logic. What is it that people are seeing? When did this “legend” begin and why does it continue? This is the picture that started it all…

lochness

Top 5 Reasons why Loch Ness Monster is Bullshit

Nessie would have to reproduce and there would have to be a school of them
One example of this serpent would have been caught by an enterprising fisherman by now
There would be detailed YouTube videos and highly detailed photos of such a creature by now (we do have good cameras)
The government would have one in a tank at area 51 (a bit of levity is allowed for a list like this)
In 2003, a team of researchers sponsored by the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) undertook the largest and most comprehensive search of Loch Ness ever conducted. They scoured the lake using 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation. One of the lead searchers, Ian Florence, was quoted in a BBC news release: “We went from shoreline to shoreline, top to bottom on this one, we have covered everything in this loch, and we saw no signs of any large animal living in the loch.”

We don’t have Japan to help us battle the monster with the toy tanks, high tech blue lazer cannons and wobby aircraft.

Who do we get to battle the monster in the Scottish Highlands?

There is only one man for the job and that man is….

Rowdy Roddy Piper!

Rowdy Roddy Piper

“I have come here to chew gum and kick ass,

and I’m all out of bubblegum.”